of foxes and roses

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose."

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."



email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

blah!

its one of those blah days for me. totally hideous! bloody hell, i don't know what i want to do with my life!

upside though, my crush of the moment complemented me earlier. actually blurted out his admiration for me, though jokingly. my gosh, if only he'll mean it. and plus points for him; checked out his friendster and there was nothing but good things about him.


email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

he's alive!

surprise, surprise! the person belonging to the feet has surfaced. but the thing is, he didn't tell me his name! by chance? or by choice? to you, you know who you are, please email me at the address below. would really like to get to know you.

email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

INDUSTRY 0520

**Best read with Jeff Buckley's "Everybody here wants you" playing in the background**

Tonight
A sepia colored room
Much like this one
Empty bottles, smoke hovering.
I look at you from across the room
Strumming, plucking your guitar
Lost in a world of your own,
bearing your soul
And I lost in mine.
I look at your guitar and envy it
I wonder how your fingers would feel on me
Starting from my neck
Slowly, ever so slowly
Moving down to my torso
Teasingly, hand encircling my naval
Going to my sweet, sweet spot
Intense looks, like I was yours
Your passion, your guitar
You play me so softly
Making music with my body
Soft whimpers, gentle groans
And your body moves in time,
Like you with the drums.
There is no beat, only heart.
Our bass, the thumping of body
against body
The rhythm getting faster, faster,
and faster the cresendo coming until...

Applause

And back I am in the sepia room
Chairs, tables, bottles and smoke
With you still across the room
Strumming your guitar
And yet, the feeling lingers.


email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

up, down and around

borrowing from the ambigrams of john langdon which are featured in dan brown's "angels and demons", all can be used to describe what i'm going through right...



things just go round and round. i never intended for feelings to get hurt, but that's hard to believe since this is a public website and i did advertise the address. but, these are my personal thoughts, my feelings put down on paper (?) or rather encoded and published on my website.



i had this rage inside me from reading something that i knew i shouldn't have read. i don't know who to trust anymore. but thank God for the internet and maroon 5! i've calmed down and accepted that it was partially my fault and that i brought it upon myself. no use blaming anyone. the fire's been extinguished.



have you ever felt that you're running out of air? out for breath? even in the widest of spaces? how can you get suffocated by space? but i don't mind being intoxicated by the scent of a man. he is just so wonderful and sweet, or more like, musky. hehehe...i just want to hug him all day and never let go.



i somehow feel like i'm drifting. i mean i go to work everyday, go through the same routine, and yet, i really don't know where i'm ultimatly heading towards. i go home, read my books, watch a bit of TV, then sleep. is this all there is? there's gotta be more... somebody tow me back to shore and tell me where to go




email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

who do these feet belong to?

as i was searching the 'net for pictures of galera, i was able to stumble upon a website that was so incredible, so fabulous, that i could spend a whole day just looking through it. actually, its an online photo album of sorts belonging to this man with no name. in the photo album, he displays pictures of his travels. from the US, to the UK. from puerto galera, to bali. from china, to russia. this guy has been everywhere and done everything. it was just so facinating to look through his pictures and almost feel like you're travelling with him.

the question on my mind is: WHO IS HE?



email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

takipsilim

today i go back to the island that had started, and ended it all.

as the boat approaches the dock, i can't help but think, "is this island cursed?" and as my feet sink into the sand, playful waves crashing ever so gently upon them, i look around and wonder how such a piece of heaven on earth be the cause of my living hell.

it had all started a year ago on my first trip to the island...

my team had decided to go on a weekend getaway, to build camaraderie (when we all fully knew that it was just an excuse to get out if the office and get completely drunk). my man of the moment had bid me farewell the night before. i told him it'll only be a few days and yet i could see and feel the pain of our parting.

we arrive and settle down. that night, amidst the laughter and the drinking, i slip away with a colleague's brother, not knowing that that talk on the beach would cause a ripple that would turn into a tidal wave.

blame it on hormones. blame it on alcohol (although that is never an excuse). blame it on whatever. but what happened that night leaves much to be desired and a lot to be regretted. i wake up the next morning feeling sick to the stomach with my heart being shattered into a million pieces. to make matters worse, my man surprises me and shows up on the beach that same day. after all was said and done, there was only one predictable outcome.

i lost him.

after what seemed like a lifetime, i set foot once again on that very same beach, only with the man i loved beside me. we arrive on the exact date, one year ago...

everything was fabulous. we got to spend the much needed time alone. we swam with the fishes, drank coconuts on the beach, held hands and walked on the shore in time to see the sunrise. you could say that life was how it should be. totally and utterly blissful!

but they say history repeats itself. before you could say "how-was-your-weekend-at-the-beach" the man who i saw myself growing old with gets washed away by a love far stronger than the love he ever had for me.

once again, i lost him.

no one can blame me for being afraid of going back to the island. all its ever given me was a day of hapiness and a lifetime of painful memories. however, they say you should face your fears. now, as i stand here, about to take my first step, i stare that fear straight in the eye. there may not be romance, there may not be love, there may not be a man worthy enough to be on this island with me; but by God! something this beautiful should never be feared or forgotten. this is my chance to break the curse. to forget all that is behind, to watch all that has passes get washed away by the tides and get lost in the vast and open sea.


email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com