the man in my life

he was the bunso. he was a heart throb. he was soft spoken. he loved music. he was vain. he never spanked me. i was his favorite. i'm his princess.

it's been a little more than 3 months since my dad passed on. when he died, it didn't really affect me, not as much as i expected. it was going to happen sometime so in a way we were ready. even when he was at the ICU and i saw him, i told my mom that we should turn off the respirator and let nature take it's course. my mom was the one who wasn't ready to let go.

as days pass, the hurt subsides. but there are days that i just stop what i'm doing and i look at our picture. mom, me and dad. it was taken november of 2005. i came home for a weeks vacation before going back to cebu to run a class. i remember that morning. it was raining. i went down for breakfast. my mom just came from the market and my dad was eating his breakfast. when he saw me, he asked immediately for a hug and my mom came over to join us for breakfast. that's when the picture was taken. we were all happy. another picture that's posted on my wall is of dad being goofy. it was the morning of my birthday. we were having breakfast on the patio and i took out my camera phone. i told him to give me a funny face and he puffed his eyes and smiled a weird smile. with his big ears, his expression, and that aura of playfulness, i can't help but laugh when i see it.

i miss him. especially when i remember the fact that when i go home to los banos, he won't be there to hug me. to give me kisses. to hold my hand. to say "hadodong" (my dad never regained his speech).

i miss the man that gave me life. i miss the man that would pick me up from swim practice. i miss the man that would take me to manila with him even if i had class and he'd ask me to make excuse letters. i miss the guitar man who influenced me to listen to simon and garfunkle, don mclean, james taylor, kenny rogers, paul simon, cat stevens.

i miss my dad so much. so much that it hurts. that it makes me wish that i didn't spend so much time away from him.

i love you dad. i wish you're still here with us...

email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com