running away and running back

so here's the deal.

i fly back to my island to get away from you. i try my hardest not to think about you, or look at things that remind me of you. i tell myself that things are better the way they are. i read and re-read the letter i sent. i convince myself that i you and i don't make sense together.

but then when things are botched up at work, when i just want to sit on the floor and throw a tantrum, when sadness fills me, i think about when i last felt happy, safe and secure. your face is the first thing that comes to mind. feeling your hands clasping mine, your arms around me, your gentle but protective hugs.

i still want to be your assistant, groupie, confidant, advisor, career counselor, isaw buddy, masseuse, friend, lover.

though i fly away, i will always come back to you...c

email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

the man in my life

he was the bunso. he was a heart throb. he was soft spoken. he loved music. he was vain. he never spanked me. i was his favorite. i'm his princess.

it's been a little more than 3 months since my dad passed on. when he died, it didn't really affect me, not as much as i expected. it was going to happen sometime so in a way we were ready. even when he was at the ICU and i saw him, i told my mom that we should turn off the respirator and let nature take it's course. my mom was the one who wasn't ready to let go.

as days pass, the hurt subsides. but there are days that i just stop what i'm doing and i look at our picture. mom, me and dad. it was taken november of 2005. i came home for a weeks vacation before going back to cebu to run a class. i remember that morning. it was raining. i went down for breakfast. my mom just came from the market and my dad was eating his breakfast. when he saw me, he asked immediately for a hug and my mom came over to join us for breakfast. that's when the picture was taken. we were all happy. another picture that's posted on my wall is of dad being goofy. it was the morning of my birthday. we were having breakfast on the patio and i took out my camera phone. i told him to give me a funny face and he puffed his eyes and smiled a weird smile. with his big ears, his expression, and that aura of playfulness, i can't help but laugh when i see it.

i miss him. especially when i remember the fact that when i go home to los banos, he won't be there to hug me. to give me kisses. to hold my hand. to say "hadodong" (my dad never regained his speech).

i miss the man that gave me life. i miss the man that would pick me up from swim practice. i miss the man that would take me to manila with him even if i had class and he'd ask me to make excuse letters. i miss the guitar man who influenced me to listen to simon and garfunkle, don mclean, james taylor, kenny rogers, paul simon, cat stevens.

i miss my dad so much. so much that it hurts. that it makes me wish that i didn't spend so much time away from him.

i love you dad. i wish you're still here with us...

email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

it's the weekend!!

it's summer!! and time to document summer weekend escapades...

this weekend, it will be a museum and music session.
kay and i will be hitting 3 museums in the city and then capping the day with music at the outpost. i'm hoping that there will be good bands. and looking forward to cold san mig light and sisig...

next weekend (march 10) is sumilon weekend! woohoo!! finally our trip will push through!

weekend after (march 17) shopping! 3 day mall wide sale!

and last weekend of march is reserved for dinner in makati and some needed r&r in LB. can't wait!!!

details in the coming weeks, but til then...

have a great weekend kiddies!!!! be safe!

email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

in the still of the night

i felt your arms around me today. a hug so warm, so tender, so caring. you held my hand and made me feel secure. i heard your soft, deep voice telling me you loved me. i saw the tears rolling down your cheeks. i wiped them away as i wiped away any doubts on my love for you. i looked into your sad eyes and saw myself. we were waiting for this moment when everything was right.

you never let go. i could never let go. we held each other until the tears stopped.

then i opened my eyes. you faded away. i was left with a longing to be with you. can i? should i? could i have you back?

email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

one for the books

congratulate me! after more than 15 years, i ate my first bowl of oatmeal.

seriously, i remember the last time my dad made me eat oatmeal. it was a weekend and he laid out a bowl of the white stuff infront of me. i had a gallon of milk on the table and with every spoonful of the oatmeal, i'd chug down milk. we spent the whole morning at that table just for me to finish it.

what compelled me to eat oatmeal? honestly i looked at myself in the mirror and i said "damn
i'm fat!". so now i have a conscious effort to put more fiber in my diet and cut down on the rice.
the funny thing here is, i ate the oatmeal infront of art. and after watching me go through half of the bowl, he told me it's ok if i didn't finish it. i guess he pitied me with every bite.

i always said that if i had to choose between grass and oatmeal, i'd chose grass. but now, the grass will have to wait.

email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com

how can i fly without wings?

a friend has been encouraging me to try it out in the land of milk and honey and/or in the maple leaf country. he tells me that it'll be a good experience; that i'll get to see what else is out there and really find out what i want to do in my life. for the most part, i agree with him. but i don't understand why i'm having such a hard time letting go of what i have. i find it hard to go out of my comfort zone. i've got a stable job that pays me more than i need, i've got family and friends, i love the island i live in. so why leave?

but he's right. i say that i'm contented with what i have right now and there's no other place that i'd want to go. but how can i say that this is it for me if i haven't experienced other countries? maybe my destiny is out there and not here in the PI. maybe the prophecy will come true. with all the things that could be, i'm waiting on a sign.

one thing's for sure though, i'd want my 08/08/08 to come true. Lord please, let it come true! let Your will be done.

email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com