Yup until an hour and 30 mins ago, i thought that he had left already. but then, i get a text (m off, tnx folks 4 everything, lab ya! frm darkelephant). Dang! my bubble shattered! i was emotionally stable and my mind sound coz i thought he had left yesterday. and then i find out it was only earlier that he left. and, he called Emily!!! Emily!!!!! Why not me???? but understandable, they're friends. i should expect this. i mean, i was the one who professed my feelings. if this is his way of shrugging me off, then, i guess i'm shrugged off. i'll live. i know i will.

my bestfriend left for rome today. she's probably over some ocean as we speak and even if she's only been away for a couple of hours, i miss her. no more mid-day coffee breaks. no more swim-till-we-drop-sessions. no more joyrides and guy hunting. no more phonecalls till the wee hours of the morning.

to top it all off, this week, the man i "love" is also leaving.

must everyone i care for leave me?????

"Everything was taken away from me, and I did not die" ---> nice quote. i'd love to say that, but right now, it feels like my heart is being torn into pieces.

It's 3:12 AM, Saturday morning. Just got home from a gimmick here in LB. It seems that everytime we go out, we always ask the same question: Is there anywhere else we can go? And then, just when you thought it's the same old thing, a night like this happens and you realize that there's still that special something about LB that makes it worth your while. =)

Later will be the despidida of my love. He'll be with his friends, his aquantances and all. But he won't be with me. Somehow, I'm not so sad anymore. Maybe because I've really accepted the fact that he's leavin, for good. And that tonight proved that there are so many other men out there who would be glad to receive attention from me. So, life goes on.

I just got off the phone with a friend whom I haven't heard from for over a year! As we were talking, we came to the topic of our love lives. He asked me about my boyfriend. I said, I don't have one. And his reaction was "Huh?? Is this you?? No boyfriend??" Wow! what a reaction. it got me thinking. when people look at me, those who really know me, and they look at my past, do they have the same reaction? have i been so dependent on men to make me complete that when i finally do live and realize that i can make it on my own, i surprise them? is having a man part and parcel of who i am?

What a way to start off my blogger. I start with a really depressing and pathetic love letter that will never reach it's intended reader. Instead, it's gonna be read by my friends, all who know of my sad tale that night. But what the heck. Hhhmm...should I give him the URL??? I could. But can I handle the consequences? I can. Afterall, he's going to New York in a week. But, I'm going to New York too. I could give it to him. Maybe I should. That way, he'll know. My friend said other guys would be happy with the attention that I'm giving him. But how come he doesn't seem to appreciate it? Is it really his loss? No, I think it's more of mine. Damn.

What a way to start off my blogger. I start with a really depressing and pathetic love letter that will never reach it's intended reader. Instead, it's gonna be read by my friends, all who know of my sad tale that night. But what the heck. Hhhmm...should I give him the URL??? I could. But can I handle the consequences? I can. Afterall, he's going to New York in a week. But, I'm going to New York too. I could give it to him. Maybe I should. That way, he'll know. My friend said other guys would be happy with the attention that I'm giving him. But how come he doesn't seem to appreciate it? Is it really his loss? No, I think it's more of mine. Damn.

I knew that I wanted to see you for the last time in Libis last night, but not in the way that I did see you. It never occurred to me that I would see you there at the JMA party, of all places. I think I forgot to tell you that my friend was the coordinator for that specific event.

I was surprised to see you there. Even more so with who you were with. Maybe you were with your office mates. Maybe that girl was one of your office mates. Maybe you just asked her to go with you to say hi. OR Maybe be you were out on a date. Maybe you were shy to tell me you were. This is what you get for giving someone the benefit of a doubt. You’re left with a whole lot of maybes.

You don’t need to explain. I’m not asking for an explanation. You don’t owe me anything.

The whole point of me wanting to see you last night was I wanted to tell you something. Something that I wanted to tell you to your face, not just through the computer or through the phone. But the way things going, it seems that I’m left with no other option.

It may seem absolutely absurd to you what I’m going to say next. Heck, I’m even surprised at myself. But I’m going to say it anyway.

I didn’t want it to happen. I wasn’t counting on it. But as they say, when you fall, you just fall. And that’s exactly what happened. I fell in love with you. Crazy isn’t it? Knowing each other over chat, seeing each other only twice (three times including last night). I barely know you. And yet, I do.

I know the next line. You’re going to say “ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression”. Trust me, you didn’t. I chose to love you. And I don’t expect anything in return. Maybe I’m just convincing myself that I do. Maybe I’m just extremely infatuated. Maybe I just admire you. Or maybe I do love you.

I know I’ll never see you again. I know I’ll get over this. I know that the next girl that you’ll love will be lucky to have you. I know that girl won’t be me. I know that you’ll just dismiss this email. I know that.

And so you go. Show New York what you’re made of. You can make it big. I know you can.

They say what a person doesn’t know won’t hurt him. I say, what good is your emotion if you can’t express them?

I have no idea why I sent this letter. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been the type to hide my feelings.

I love you.

Goodbye.