takipsilim

today i go back to the island that had started, and ended it all.

as the boat approaches the dock, i can't help but think, "is this island cursed?" and as my feet sink into the sand, playful waves crashing ever so gently upon them, i look around and wonder how such a piece of heaven on earth be the cause of my living hell.

it had all started a year ago on my first trip to the island...

my team had decided to go on a weekend getaway, to build camaraderie (when we all fully knew that it was just an excuse to get out if the office and get completely drunk). my man of the moment had bid me farewell the night before. i told him it'll only be a few days and yet i could see and feel the pain of our parting.

we arrive and settle down. that night, amidst the laughter and the drinking, i slip away with a colleague's brother, not knowing that that talk on the beach would cause a ripple that would turn into a tidal wave.

blame it on hormones. blame it on alcohol (although that is never an excuse). blame it on whatever. but what happened that night leaves much to be desired and a lot to be regretted. i wake up the next morning feeling sick to the stomach with my heart being shattered into a million pieces. to make matters worse, my man surprises me and shows up on the beach that same day. after all was said and done, there was only one predictable outcome.

i lost him.

after what seemed like a lifetime, i set foot once again on that very same beach, only with the man i loved beside me. we arrive on the exact date, one year ago...

everything was fabulous. we got to spend the much needed time alone. we swam with the fishes, drank coconuts on the beach, held hands and walked on the shore in time to see the sunrise. you could say that life was how it should be. totally and utterly blissful!

but they say history repeats itself. before you could say "how-was-your-weekend-at-the-beach" the man who i saw myself growing old with gets washed away by a love far stronger than the love he ever had for me.

once again, i lost him.

no one can blame me for being afraid of going back to the island. all its ever given me was a day of hapiness and a lifetime of painful memories. however, they say you should face your fears. now, as i stand here, about to take my first step, i stare that fear straight in the eye. there may not be romance, there may not be love, there may not be a man worthy enough to be on this island with me; but by God! something this beautiful should never be feared or forgotten. this is my chance to break the curse. to forget all that is behind, to watch all that has passes get washed away by the tides and get lost in the vast and open sea.


email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com