you can run, but you can't hide

i've been thinking a lot about him lately. probably this is happening because i wasn't allowing myself to do so when we broke up. i blocked him out of my mind, got into new things, moved to a new company, basically replacing thoughts about him with work. and now that i've so much time on my hands, my brain and my heart are catching up with me.

i went home to LB this holy week. i've been avoiding going through my stuff because i didn't want to look at our pictures, our scrap book. but i did. and the weird thing was, i didn't feel sad. i just started remembering the things we did, places we went to, words that were said.

i'm wondering now if i still love him. if what i'm feeling is still love, or if it's just my ego being crushed. but wait, he left me for a girl who has not finished college, is two years younger than me, still living at home, a professional bum, and is dependent on her parents. now what does that say about her? at her age, i was already living on my own, with a stable job, and basically totally independent. hhhmmm.....

when i think about it some more, i think our breaking up was a good thing. we come from totally different worlds! and if we had lasted and we got married, our families would just crash and collide. truly, God plans everything.

but i still can't help but think about him.