after reading the entries or the articles in peyups, made me want to write down my thoughts and publish them, even if it's only in my blog.

why is that i have this knack for going out with ex boyfriends again? would it be better if i don't become friends with them? perfect example: FreshB. I mean, it's been two?three years since our relationship ended, and now, he's gone over to my place, caught up and, still texting. it would be an uncomplicated thing if only his girlfriend wasn't my officemate. he tells me he misses me, and i say i miss him too, because i do. i want to spend time with him, if only as friends. but he tells me he and the gf are hitting the rocks and if i come into the picture now, she might think i'm the reason that they broke up. and what if i am? i don't to be the cause of a failed relationship. i've been that once and i don't want to go through the whole experience over again. should i disregard my happiness to save their relationship? i truly am happy when i'm with him. maybe he shouldn't come by anymore. maybe he shouldn't text anymore. maybe i should forget about him. but then again...i know he won't do that. and i know i couldn't do that.

another thing, verns was over the other night and he said that i looked happy. i told him i was. i really was. then he says, i bet in a few weeks, you'll be complaining that you don't have a boyfriend. probably so. i hate this! i want to be happy with who i am, without having a man making me complete. i really want the next guy to be the ONE.

i learned that cisco and denise got married. i didn't think that they'd go through with it. after etienne, i didn't think that denise took cisco seriously. but apparently she did, and now they're in a lifetime committment with each other. i seriously thought that cisco was the perfect guy for me. why didn't i have the courage to say hi to him? all i needed to do was open my mouth and smile and say hi! instead, everytime i see him, i'd look the other way or look down. what if all he was waiting for was a signal from me? hhhaayyy....what God has brought together, let no man tear apart...

i'm thinking about Karmz again. i thought i got him out of my system but i haven't. not that i still love him, more like, i wonder if we can be friends again. can we?

i'll be going home in a few hours. and i'll go straight to nielsens. control. know your limitations. that's what i have to tell myself.