searching for intimacy

there are days when you really search and hunger for intimacy. and i'm not just talking about physical intimacy. i want to be able to share myself with someone on a higher level. i know i have friends around me, and i'm grateful for them. but i want someone who will look at me differently. someone who smiles and blushes when a thought of me comes into his mind. someone who would hold my hand and i'd feel secure. someone who would say nothing and yet, tell me everything.

i went out with someone last night for a movie and dinner. it went extremely well. we had fun. we found out we had a lot in common. we're both cancerians, we love poetry and musicals. he's intelligent and funny. he listened, but also gave his two cents. we both fall in love easily. but at the end of the night, he bid me goodnight and then that was it. not that i expected him to come up, or even give me a goodnight kiss, it was more of, i don't know. i was looking for something, waiting for him to do something to make me feel that it could be more than one date. but it never came which was good in a way because this guy is working in the same department as i, and i think it'll just be too awkward at the office if we're in that courtship phase.

but it got me thinking. am i that starved for affection? am i really looking for a relationship right now to make my existence worthwhile? that might be a bit too much but i feel like i'm at that stage that i'm ready to open up my heart again. the only thing missing is that man to come in. i know myself, and i know that i have this tendency to jump, even if i know i'll drown. but sometimes, it's that feeling of drowning that's liberating...


email me! missymisbehavin08@yahoo.com