inspiration found....and lost

i had started writing this beautiful and heartfelt entry only to lose it in a second when my computer bogged down. take it from me, HP computers are not very reliable. that's why i'm here at my favorite station with my favorite DELL computer. i'll try to remember what i've written, though that will prove to be a challenge.

day 1: it's not about you (from the purpose driven life)
ros and i spent a good two hours last night catching up and talking about life. i opened up how i'm not sure where exactly i'm heading and what my life should be. and we got into this discussion about how some people discover what their goal in life is at an early age. us? we're in our mid-twenties and we still don't know where we're going. where are we going? what's the point of these jobs that we're holding?

i've been down these past few weeks, doubting my career, my path, my life, myself. dave matthews keeps ringing in my ears "where are you going?" my question exactly. why do i feel like i'm going no where. what does God have planned for me??? but then, i read something that made things clear:

To everything there is a time... His delays are not denials. God is always on time.

and then the heavens parted and His light came shining down and He gave me understanding. and hope.

almost doesn't count
almost made you love me
almost made you cry
almost made you happy baby, didn't i
almost had me thinking, you were turned around
but everybody knows, almost doesn't count.
-brandy

i don't ever want to look back and have the word "almost" in my sentences. "almost" makes me feel like i was shy of a few inches from the finish line. "almost" is one of the saddest words.

you can never can tell, you can never can say
ros has been a friend since 3rd year high school when we were teamates in our school swimming varisty. then, we ended up at the same college with the same course and occationally became classmates. but never in my 10 years of knowing her did i know that she was an extraordinary writer. she just told me that she had an LJ (langoyera) the other day and i decided to check it out. what i read in those pages left my jaw hanging open. i knew most of my friends could write, but i never knew that this friend of mine could. then she told me about her friend, who happens to have the same birthday as me, who also writes. i just finished reading her site (musidora) and it blew me away. it was like reading my life. is it cosmically possible for two people, who have two different bodies, to have the same life? wow. that's all i can say.

which got me thinking. i can only start writing something profound and creative after i've read the words that i've wanted to say all along. i've tried taking time out to smell the roses, imagine animals in the clouds, listen to the innocence in children's laughter, just so i could write.

and all this time, inspiration was just at my doorstep.